Finding a good Church is like finding a good Punchman

So I went to church yesterday for the first time in two years. Not proud of it or condoning it at all, just setting the tone. Although I do pray and talk to God every day and try to read my bible (not as often as I should), I know that I am still missing that key element of my spiritual life. Fellowshipping with people with the same beliefs as me and praising and worshiping God in his house is one of those key areas that I fall short and am making an effort to correct.

Now, my experience yesterday wasn’t all that I expected it to be. I was very zealous and excited as I finally make up my mind to stop procrastinating and to go to the house of my God. So much so that I was constantly bbming my friend who invited me to make sure that we would be on time. I went there searching for something, expecting something and unfortunately I did not get what I had hoped and longed for.

Now I’m not knocking the church eh don’t get me wrong, but I wasn’t moved as I felt I should have been although I was very open to receive. Some of the other members of the congregation were moved and some even accepted Christ and I could tell that the church is really genuinely a family and have a close relationship with each other which is good.  But I didn’t nor did I feel the Holy Spirit move in me. The worship, praise, message nothing connected with me nothing gave me that sustenance that I desired. So I left just as I came in.

It I came home, reflected and came up with this analogy Finding a good Church is like finding a good Punchman. Lol  I know I know sounds weird but hear me out! For a guy punch (milk based beverage with peanut, banana, seamoss etc flavours) is a significant part to life. It gives you sustenance and makes you stronger. Punch feeds your body with nutrients it craves. Furthermore when you’ve found the right Punchman, you keep going back as much as possible and you even refer your friends to it because you believe in it and are proud to say that is my Punchman.

Similarly when you’ve found the right church which is in tune with your needs your spirit is fed with the nutrients it needs, the Word and those nutrients make your spirit stronger. When you’ve found that right church you are proud to say where you fellowship and would encourage your friends to visit and experience the sustenance that you receive there.

That being said I’m not saying because of my experience that I’m going back to church again. I am just on a quest to find the one that’s right for me, where I feel most comfortable and satisfies my need and hunger. I want to feel something! The church I went to didn’t do it for me although I will attend again this week just to give them the benefit of the doubt because even the best Punchmen have off days. If I don’t receive and have a real experience with God I’ll just try and try again every week until I find a place that I can call home.

Things you shouldn’t tell the opposite sex

It seems that many a time both men and women say things that ‘they shouldn’t’ say either because it’s offensive or insensitive to their male/female counterpart. I have come to the conclusion that sometimes some things are better left unsaid. I’ve also compiled a list of things you shouldn’t say to both sexes lest you’d intentionally want to face some very dire consequences. So here goes… 

Things you shouldn’t say to a woman:

That outfit makes you look fat/You eat too much

Never ever, ever mention a woman’s weight to her or discuss it unless prompted. If she asks if she’s gained a few pounds say out rightly “No!” Or “Really? I haven’t noticed you look the same to me.”

Why are you so emotional?!

Ah yes… The age old plea of man. Guys, that question will never be answered, don’t even bother to ask! It’s just how it is, leave it there and move on.

You wear too much makeup      
You do not question the amount of cake… I mean makeup a woman puts on her face even if it makes her look like a transvestite! Deal with it and take front and tell her she looks exceptionally pretty.

You’re just like my ex/You remind me of my ex

Guys you are not Usher… Saying she "reminds you of a girl that you once knew" isn’t going to help you! Please refrain from bringing up any ex talk before and during a relationship unless prompted. And if prompted keep your answers short and do not ramble. And please under no circumstances make comparisons sexually with your ex and current woman in front of her.

What... :o did you do to your hair?

Guys, don’t even bother to ask “So why you cut your hair?” Or fathom to understand how difficult it is to maintain. Don’t question weaves and wigs and accept the fact that you cannot touch your woman hair no matter if it’s hers or not! And again say… Yes you like her new hairstyle unless you want to be in her bad books.

Oh you’re so young? You look older…

Stops dead in her tracks *silence* *crickets* You’re going out with a girl for the first time and that’s what you say? No second date for you. If she looks older than 25 it’s none of your business to say so!

You’re cute for a darkie, thick girl etc

But I’m complimenting her aren’t I? Yes and no… By saying your cute for… You’re automatically saying to her that her ‘type of girl’ generally isn’t cute but she’s an exception. Not much of a compliment. It’s best you tell her she’s cute for a goat! (no offence to persons who find goats to be cute). If she looks cute she looks cute full stop. 

No!

Straightforward enough….

You are wrong

Ha! A woman wrong? Blasphemy! Save yourself the time and pressure of an argument, just nod and agree. She’s your customer and she’s always right!

Where are you?

Keeping tabs are a no no. Women dislike it when men come off as insecure and needy for one. For two no one likes to have tabs being placed on their whereabouts.

Your friend is cute

Learnt this the hard way lol you do not tell your significant other they have cute friends! You do not talk about them unless they are brought up in conversation and you absolutely, definitely under no circumstances say they have a nice ass! :P

Now let’s look at what women shouldn’t say to men. Here goes…

Things you shouldn't say to a man:

How you cheap so?

Women… Why alluh so? It the man is fiscally responsible like myself don’t get down on him for it. Additionally you may not know the guys circumstance, maybe he’s saving for something, paying for school or helps out at home. Be more sensitive and pay for ya damn self!

It was good/ok/Your penis is average/I've had bigger/better 

*DJ scratches record* “B*tch are you crazy! After all that sweat and wining best 5 minutes of my life (yes I was timing a new record btw :D) and that’s what you look to tell me"! Seriously women this is a negative, a man rather believe that your stuff is slack than his junk is small. If it’s not working for you move on nah and don’t use that as your reason for breaking up either... make something up!  

You’re so short/Too short for me!

For me this is worse than the aforementioned! After all... In the first instance I just got some action so although you telling me my stuff is small may sting the pleasure of jizzing would balance that off. On the other hand I can’t change my height! O_o so ladies it is not cool to say a guy is too short to date etc or worse yet, you know the guy you’re with is your height or shorter and you were 3 inch hells! Hell to the no!

Where are you?

On the toilet taking a crap where are you? Women and men stop it!

You’re so stupid/dumb!

A man is proud about his intelligence, even if he isn’t all that smart. As a man one of your main functions is to think and make decisions. If you’re telling him he’s stupid then you make him feel that he’s failed at one of his core manly duties.

When we're married/have kids...

*Spits out milk* Ummmmm ladies keep those thoughts to yourself. No man wants to hear that unless he’s 35 and ya’ll together for a while and have spoken around those lines. It’s not cute nor is it mentally healthy.

Be a man!!!

Stupseeeeeeeeeeeeeee Why don’t you be a woman and stop emasculating your man! Under no circumstances do you tell a man this! If he’s deserving or not there are other ways to get your point across. Best you just cut his dick off and done!

It’s just a game!

Brrrrrrr first of all… I didn’t ask your opinion, secondly it’s more than just a GAME!!! And lastly if you really wanted to make yourself useful at that point when the SA Spurs and Man U lost you need only get me a cold Stag, a sandwich and stay quiet! That is all…

My ex was better than you

Well go back with him then and leave me alone! Comparisons aren’t cool on either end of the spectrum.

You don’t make enough money

Make enough money for what exactly? Why don’t you contribute? Spilt the bill sometimes or even pay for us both! *gasp*

You will never amount to anything

Wow… Lowest of all the low blows! A man is all about his future self, the biggest bum has dreams to be successful in the future. This is a pure kick in the balls that packs a sting that could last a lifetime. Try speaking positivity into a man’s life and helping him along his journey to success rather than bringing him down every time there is a bump in the road.

Hold my purse/Go buy some pads for me

Sigh I don’t know why women use these sort of tricks for a man to ‘prove himself’ to you. Is it an act of love to go in the grocery and buy pads or hold your purse? No it isn’t so stop it!

I just got my period

Killjoy/TMI/I wish I didn’t have ears. Why tell us this? Unless we be trying to get some and you brace us, then it’s ok. Other than that no need to know. Also why all the weird names for it? Red riding hood, Monthlys, My time etc. From now on just say you have your P!

I don’t need you for anything!

Men aren’t needy but we like to feel that we’re needed. Makes sense? You could be the most independent woman, work for more money than your man, have a dildo and a good mechanic! Make up some situation where yuh need him!

The moral of the story… People don’t like to hear the truth! Click here to read my poem on The Truth The truth hurts sometimes so we lie to make the opposite sex happy. Is it right? I don’t know… Does it work out in your favor? Definitely! When people become more open to criticism and honesty then and only then can we really tell it like it is without worrying about any backlash. Till then I’ll LMAO (Lie My Ass Off).

So tell me... What are some of the things that I missed out that you think you shouldn’t tell a man/woman? 

Eat your words!

All Hail Ceasar!!!

So  I saw Rise of the Planet of the Apes in cinema on Wednesday (Globe of course). Great movie!!! Reminded me of a pic I had taken with my Blackberry sometime prob last year. Funny stuff! One of my many talents! But anywho...

Rise of the Planet of the Apes spoke to me much deeper than the great story line, action sequences, the special affects and good acting. 

It led me to think about human beings and our evolution. Not in the whole belief in the evolution of human life theory as I don't subscribe to that chain of thought but more so in our development through our lifetime. 

On a global scale new rapid developments in technology, architecture and the like always amazes me! The building of a simple house amazes me because of its complexity! Much less to fathom all the behind the scenes thingies at work for the Internet to function effectively. Man has truly come far and we are truly evolving every day. Ever thought about how a cup is made? Or even a pencil! I don't know maybe it's just me but I'm always amazed by these little inventions that make our lives easier and try to imagine all the effort, trial and error, time, blood, sweat and tears it took into making them. 

Evolution always comes at a price for some reason and it seems that we are forgoing the environmental effects of our development. How far are we willing to go to have the next big thing? As bright as our future looks it as a bleak outlook. 

So check out the infamous pic of me monkeying around bearing a striking resemblance to Ceasar!!! :p 

The Game

Question

What game do you have to fail to win?
Where the lessons learned from defeat are more precious than victory?
A game played throughout history
By Kings, Queens, Presidents and people just like you and I
An ongoing spectacle viewed by everyone and broadcasted to the world
Where there are no timeouts or halftime
You just keep on playing till you die...

The objective of this game is simple
Your satisfaction is your triumph
The challenge...
Everyone is playing the same game
Competing, just like you for the same thing
Fighting for the same glory
For resources that are scarce
Trying to get their story etched in time 

This game will go on for generations 
Some will rise 
Others will fall to its rigours and hardships 
Leaving little or no chance to succeed 
There is are no dice, no wheel to spin and you cannot buy a vowel
Damn! 
That’s a hard game! Not even a vowel? 
No not even that! 


For the ‘game’ of life is not bound to any class, race, creed or ethnicity 
We all have the same opportunity to live, to be happy, to succeed 
Life is the most fragile, unpredictable, uncontrollable force 
I used the word force because there is power in life
And no matter how hard it gets
We go out of our way to protect it
Because it is precious



Which now begs the question?
Is life really a game? 
Or is it a gift
Same 4 letter word but with a very different meaning
Now the name of my poem has changed
And since life is such a special gift
Don’t forget to thank the creator of it daily 
Thank you God for life
Have you said thank you lately?

Would you love me on a bus

21 Questions.. Huge song when 50 was in his prime! He's garbage now (talk about a fall from grace) but that's not the focus of this post. 

I wanted to know from the ladies especially, how much do you 'love' your significant other. Does that 'love' extend past his financial status? It's easy to be content with someone if you feel comfortable but if he too fell from grace or was having some hard times financially would that change how you feel about him? If he had to sell his car or lost his job would you stay with him? Would the discomfort be enough for you to leave him or would you endure for love? And to what extent. Some women wouldn't even give a guy the time of day if he didn't have a car or is financially well off. Is that right? Can that be justified? 

I decided to not make any comment of my own on this one, just throwing out some questions to you ladies. I want to hear from you!!! 

Nate Dogg (RIP) in the chorus sad it best "Girl, its easy too love me now, would you love me if I was down and out, would you still have love for me, girl..."

Well would you? 

Emancipate yourself

Celebration, elation we are all God’s creation

Yet still some of us came here in shackles and chains

After 1838 we were freed but the bondage still remains

We've replaced rusted chains with bigger shinier ones made of gold and platinum 

Substituted hoes and axes for knives and guns

Went from protecting our little ones at all costs 

To showing neglect and abandoning them with no remorse

It’s like we’re travelling back in time, from today August 1^st 2009

Back to the 17^th and 18^th Century

When we were forced from our home carried on cramped ships

And were spat on, humiliated, raped, lynched and whipped

Today we take for granted where we have come from

The invaluable sacrifices made in human and psychological form

And the progression Rosa Parks, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela, Barack

Obama 

But instead we study to make she stamamamamamama

We study the drama, the bling and living the good life

Will the slavery in our minds ever end?

When will we become at peace with ourselves?

We try to hide our beautiful dark skin and downplay the character of our big noses

We are insecure with our curvy bodies and our hair

Forgetting that’s the way God made us

Beautiful

We chase wealth because we had none?

When in Africa we were Kings and Queens with more riches than we could ever dream

So how did we reach here?

I laugh and say on ships

But let’s keep that argument where it belongs in history

Let’s deal with the unsolved mystery of a way forward  

It’s time we be strong like our ancestors and stop hiding behind the hand of the past like cowards

I propose to you my brothers and sisters

During the all the festivities and fanfare today ask yourself this simple question

Will I continue to live my life in misdirection?

Or will I love me, above anyone else

Will I dare to be truly free and emancipate myself?

© Hybrid Star August 1^st 2009

2 years later it's 2011 now, and things have not changed

In fact they've become worse

So much so that I had to add some new verses

This is my solemn plea 

Look back and remember me 

I was born in 1757 and given the name John Adams 

Every day I would toil on my master’s land for 18 hours

Sun up to midnight, the price to pay for being a ’Field hand’

Whipped, punished, battered and tortured when I stepped out of line

But I was only trying to get more food for my daughter

The same daughter that grew up to be raped by my master every night

I saw so many murdered, for you

Be raped, for you

Battered and bruised, for you

Families torn apart, for you

Suffer, for you

Tears and blood shed, for you

Children mourn, for you

Fight for your freedom

Yet you are unappreciative

Yet you know nothing about where you came from

Yet you are still a victim

This new generation of slaves is worse than ours

Because no matter how many bodies hurt and fell in my day

We still had our mind and stood true to our beliefs

We believed in freedom and we got it

Only to be lost again by a more sophisticated breed to slave masters

Kudos to them, the mind controls the body

Listen carefully to my words

You are beautiful, intelligent, successful and loved

No one can tell you who you are or who you can or cannot be

Believe in yourself, because we believe in you

© Hybrid Star August 1^st 2011

Equilibrium ‘Emotion meets Logic’

In the pink corner… Standing at 5 foot 4 inches… The ‘Epitome of Emotion’… The woman!  And in the blue corner… He stands at 5 feet 9 inches tall… The ‘Lover of Logic’… The man! Now touch gloves and I want a good clean fight!

The male/female dynamic is sometimes like a boxing match. There are some good jabs thrown, one fighter may be quick on their feet, some low blows may get thrown and one fighter could connect with a good punch that knocks out their opponent. Relationships are sometimes like a rivalry between the top ranked fighters in boxing vying for the Championship Belt, the belt of course symbolizes supremacy and absolute control.

So the tone is set, let’s get down to business. Inspired by Economics class today and a conversation I had with a chick I barely know on facebook I decided to write on Emotion vs Logic. Emotion, one would argue is an attribute normally more strongly prevalent in women. Logic on the other hand is generally a more male characteristic. Agreed? Be real… If not don’t bother to read on. For the sake of the argument of this dialogue we’ll view logic and emotion as forces that are opposite and wielded by their masters.

Equilibrium, (this is where the Econ comes in) is a state of rest or balance due to the equal action of opposing forces. That is, where emotion meets logic. The battle between men and women is fought with weapons that repel each other sort of like Voldermort and Harry Potter (yes I’m a nerd J). One of the keys to a SUCCESSFUL relationship however, is balance. Both individuals need to compromise, sometimes you have to lose arguments intentionally, stay quiet, quell bad habits etc. In order to reach that state of balance or ‘EQUILIBRIUM’ an individual must master the appropriate use of both logic and emotion.

The strengths of men are the weaknesses of women and the weakness of a man are the strengths of a woman (site me if you use my quote). Let’s start with women. WOMEN ARE TOO EMOTIONAL! I expect to get backlash here, but ladies think about it. Just hear me out. Wikipedia says “Emotion fundamentally involves physiological arousal, expressive behaviors, and conscious experience. Emotion is associated with mood, temperament, personality, disposition and motivation”. Sounds like you? Now don’t get me wrong… nothing is wrong with being emotional, that is not my argument as you will see when I discuss the men.

The problem with women and being emotional happens when you ‘Live Emotionally’ (Don’t know if these terms have been used before but they sure sound fancy should copyright them). Generally women would base every decision based on emotion. I’ve seen women get emotional for shoes!!! Shoes!!! Now some women would nod and say so what’s wrong with that! I love my shoes, but from the outside looking in that’s just plain crazy. So when everything in your day to day life affects your mood, temperament and disposition (Like running out of blue nail polish souring your whole day) you will definitely run into some problems when you transfer that into a relationship context. Generally women let “things” affect them more than men do, it could be the littlest thing that triggers a series of dramatic, uncalled for emotions.

Additionally when women make decisions based on emotions, ‘follow your heart’ the majority of times it ends up unfavorable to them. E.g. “He cheat on me three times already eh girl… But I love him and I know he loves me so I’ll give him another chance.” Or “Well he does hit me and thing, but I know he has an anger problem and well I’m staying with him for the sake of the kids.” Or “Gosh that man could lie! But I just can’t live without him. One day he’ll change.” HAVE I MADE MY POINT?

Additionally sex is like emotional napalm for women, but that’s another post altogether. In order to have better relationships women need to think like men but not the way you’re thinking! Women need to use more logic when making decisions. It’s that simple. If women would sit back and rationalize a situation, just analyze all the factors at play a lot of them would done with their man one time! But then again that would depend on the reason the woman was in the relationship in the first place. I’d backtrack to say this theory is based on men and women who want to have functional, meaningful relationships. Needless to say if a man is cheating on you ladies, time and time again you need to let go. Forget how much you love him and how long ya’ll have been together and how much ya’ll have been through. Use reason, detach all emotional connections when making your decisions, that is, pretend you didn’t ‘love him’ see if you would still give him another chance. You would? Well you’re crazy and there is no hope for you!

Now given man’s strength of logic is a woman’s weakness, the strength of a woman which is her emotion the weakness of a man. That being said, MEN NEED TO GET EMOTIONAL. Guys reading this would say hold up hommie, stop right there. But guys, if you think about it we do have emotion in us. One word…. SPORTS! When a man is watching or playing his favorite sport he puts all his emotion on the line! I still remember images of Michael Jordan crying like a baby with the NBA Championship in his hand when he won his first ring (beautiful stuff) very touching for any MJ fan. Or when T&T was at the world cup playing England and Crouch pulled on Brent Sancho’s Ras to score the header that changed the match and lost us the game every guy was red with anger.

So guys we can more than find a way to express ourselves emotionally, be kind, show compassion, be considerate, be sensitive, be polite, be gentlemen and all that good stuff women like. I know I know a lot of you would argue women like a man to be a man and don’t want him too sensitive, that’s why I say there needs to be equilibrium. I man needs to understand his woman on that emotional level and still be ALL MAN. He needs to take the time to know her likes, dislikes, her birthday, remember alluh anniversary date etc. It’s ridiculous to think you could be in a relationship with someone and year after year they forget important dates! Guys we need to do better! Simple things like that that we as men usually overlook are what could assist us in being more emotionally sensitive.

Guys you may say “Well I wouldn’t really dig a horrors if she forget my birthday and them anniversary and Valentine’s Day thing is not for me!” The only problem there is you’re not in a relationship with you, or someone who thinks like you and you need to meet women halfway.  

Another thing men definitely need to improve on emotionally is listening. I know, I know guys, women like to babble *sigh* but what can we do? If you truly care about the person you’re with you’d give them time. That’s a big thing for women! So sometimes you just need to turn off the ESPN, stop playing FIFA and just listen to what your woman has to say. Furthermore, you would do well to open up and sharing with her too *gasp*

That being said, communication is another biggie in terms of men embracing their emotional side. Men need to effectively have dialogue with their women and not beat around the bush to respond or hold back thoughts. I know it’s scary sometimes speaking dealing with a woman in a situation where she says “So what you have to say about that?” Our reflex response is usually “Nothing” and we hold back a wealth of things that we wanted to say. I would be best if you just say what’s on your mind and deal with the repercussions now rather than later. Be forewarned however, find the best possible way to say what’s on your mind without starting up some other argument. Most simple arguments in relationships arise because of some sort of breakdown in communication. See guys it’s not that hard to be emotional. *wipes sweat from brow*

To conclude the key to a successful, meaningful relationship is for both men and women to reach to that point of equilibrium. Both must compromise their natural dominant logical and emotional tendencies and create a hybrid of the two. They would then move away from the opposite forces that were working against each other to them working together after all, they say opposites do attract! Therefore in doing so, individually they are allowing for not only the understanding of their counterparts but of themselves and their shortcomings. The problems in relationships aren’t based on the relationships themselves but the individuals involved. So if men and women can effectively improve themselves they will be able to effectively improve their relationships. All in all, the key to not only relationships but life in general is about creating a balance.